http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shirataki_noodles

My new favorite food. The Japanese are clearly geniuses.

Hmm.

Although I don't comment much (if at all), I do follow a number of blogs. The primary reason I don't comment is that I usually feel that everyone else has said what I want to say already, and has expressed the thought more articulately than I would. Case in point, the former sentence. The secondary reason is that apparently, I am completely techno-illiterate in the blogosphere. Anytime I do try to post a comment, it disappears (whence I know not) when I click "submit". I do not know why. Maybe it's part of the moderation system?

Anyway, the whole reason I'm posting this is because PrettyWreck over at Control (one of my favorite blogs and bloggers) had some exciting news to share. So since I can't figure out comments, I will include my comment here:

Congrats! You are amazing!

Still Alive

Coping. That is all. That is enough right now.

I am fat.

Sporadic posting until the craziness dies down a little.

I am so loving this tattoo. It is beautiful! Love love love.

However, I have been a little piggy lately. I feel disgusting and bloated. The heat is not helping at all. Hate.

Just Another Day

New places, new faces, same ol' me.

Yet another house where I am the odd man out.

Invisible, ignored, unwanted. Same as always.

Still here.

Amidst tattoo, moving, dealing with ex's shit, etc. I haven't had much time to write. This will change soon.

Only one more day of driving, then I finally get to settle into my new apt! In which I have 2 housemates, but NO roommates. Thank the gods.

Posting will come after...I've not forgotten that I owe you all the story of the tattoo. I'll probably also need to vent about the ex and his shitty shit shit too.

I did it!

Got a tattoo, that is. Details and story will most likely come later, since I'm still too afraid to move my wrist. And it's really goddamned hard to type one-handed.

Self-control

I don't have it.

I hate my body. I hate my self. I hate myself. I adore word subtleties.

I think I'm going to do something incredibly out of character today.

Oh god. I binged. It was awful. I can't even list the shit I ate. I wish I had been drinking tonight, so I could puke. I feel horrendous. Ugh.

Rough Spots Ahead

There's the annual summer work party tomorrow and then a catered business lunch on Friday. I have to attend both. Aagh!

I will just have to make the best of it. Hopefully everyone will be drunk enough tomorrow not to notice what I'm eating (or not eating, to be more accurate). And on Friday, I'll try to stick to only raw foods--fruit and veg. I wish they gave out food menus in advance! The nice thing about my workplace though, is that they know some of us are veggie/vegan, so they always make sure to offer multiple options.

Maybe it won't be a total disaster. Knock on wood.

In other news, I'm not PMSing anymore! Unfortunately, this means that my iron levels are a little low. I had to eat more than I'd planned for today, but it wasn't awful. I'm still feeling in control.

I've also been battling major insomnia for the last couple of nights. I suspect that the caffeine in the diet pills is to blame. I'm not going to stop taking them though, because I think that they are playing a major part in my success right now. Seriously, I've been so disciplined lately! These pills say to take at least half an hour before meals...meaning that once I take them, I have to wait at least half an hour. Which is enough time to talk myself out of eating bad foods. I think they may be helping to curb the binge urges as well.

I've got to admit though: the worry and stress over the food situation tomorrow and Friday are definitely binge-triggering. Got to be strong! I can do this!

Hyperactivity

God, the caffeine in the diet pills is getting to me. I am so hyped up right now. Not to the point of shaking or anything, but just generally I don't want to sit still. At all.

Actually, at least 25% of that feeling is because I don't want to be doing work...yet that's what I have to do today. Sit at a computer and work. On a Sunday. Bleh.

My scale's gone crazy. It's not possible to gain a pound between 3 AM (insomnia) and 8 AM when I haven't eaten or drunk anything but about 3 sips of flavored water. It's not possible! I hate it. Evil, maniacal, torturous device. Hate.

But I feel empty, so it's ok.

Is that odd? Sometimes the number on the scale doesn't matter as much as how I feel. If I'm empty, it's all ok. If I'm full, even if the number has gone down, it's not ok.

Of course, at other times, the scale dictates my life.

shopping

Have I ever mentioned how much I detest clothes shopping? Nothing ever fits properly, I have to go back and forth to the dressing rooms, and I end up getting absolutely nothing. All that time and agony and nothing to show for it.

Plus, I never know what size I actually am, so I have to pick out all different sizes. Each time, I'm terrified that the lady in charge of the dressing rooms will look at the clothes I've picked and tell me I'm obviously delusional if I think I can fit into a M. You know they're thinking it!

But you know what else? One day, I will be able to fit a M. One day, I will even be able to fit a S. I've got to keep that in mind.

God, I hope that day comes soon...