D has made a friend.  Her name is F and she is beautiful (yes, I facebook stalked.  I'm a creeper).

And today they went for a walk and out for dinner.  And that makes me uncomfortable, even though I know it wasn't a date.  I also am pretty sure he invited the other girls he lives with (who are my friends too, so I am comfortable with them) but they didn't want to go.

Apparently they are closer than I previously thought.  I thought she was just a classmate.  I guess not.  I guess they are close enough to hang out and have dinner together and watch movies.

I'm not happy.  I'm being stupidly insecure.

I know D would never cheat on me.  But that doesn't mean he won't decide he prefers her and dump me for her.  My ex did that to me.  Twice.

She knows he has a girlfriend.  She told him to say hi and that she likes my name.  That's nice of her, I guess.  But I trust girls even less then guys.  I know just how back-stabbing they can be.

I told him that I would like to meet her.  Maybe when I do I will feel better about this.

Maybe I will feel better when D gets here.

Today I told my friend B and my friend H about the eating disorder.  Wow, so many people know now.  Therapist, D, L, and now B & H.  D says he is proud of me.  He said something about if I don't treat the ED like a god then it will become less of a demon.  (I think I am horribly misquoting that, but it's late and I'm tired and I don't care.)  I think it makes it easier that pretty much everyone who knows (besides therapist) is on the other side of the country.

So far I haven't lost any friends yet though.  And no one has really poked into it much.  I tell them I am working on it and they leave it at that.  I did find out that H used to make herself puke in high school.  Huh.  I never would have guessed.

I still am not sure I feel comfortable with people knowing about this.

I'm confused.

I wish D were here.  Only 4 more days.

(only, what if things go badly?  what if he gets here and it's not the same?  what if he doesn't make me dizzy with his kisses anymore?  what if i'm not as good as he thought i was?)