I have a lot in my head and I want to talk about it, but right now I have rehearsal and tonight I will not sleep because I have a huge assignment due tomorrow. So here's hoping that I keep today's therapy session in my head long enough to write about it later. But quickly, something I want to say (triggered in part by your comment, Peri):
The thing is that I don't think D and I are better friends than lovers. I don't think we would ever be better friends than lovers.
I mean, this whole thing is tough as shit. It sucks. The long-distance and the uncertainty are killing me. It would be SO MUCH EASIER to just break up and let it go. I know that.
But I'd really rather not.
And I'm not basing that decision on my suspicion that, if we broke up, we wouldn't be friends at all. I try to imagine being only friends. And in all of those scenarios, I'm not happy.
And if dating him is what makes me happy, then dammit, I will fight for this relationship.
I suggested that because the problem I had with Jimmy was that we made better friends than lovers, and neither of us realized that until way after all the hurting was done. I didn't know if that was the case for you and D.
ReplyDeleteIf dating him makes you happy and you guys can make it work, go for it. (You know I'm all for finding what makes you happy and going for it.)
Good luck with your assignment! If I could constantly supply you with coffee or help in any practical way, I would. Lady knows I'm useless at giving advice. How about I tape my mouth shut and act as a waitress and office go-fer?
<3
If you think it's something worth fighting for, then you should definitely try and keep the relationship going.. I hope everything works out! <3
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