I disappeared.  Lo siento.  :(

I'm drowning lately in work and food.  And my laptop crashed so now all I've got is my lab computer.  Must get over paranoia of using Blogger in the lab.  Feels very exposed, but what else can I do?

Someday I'll have less work maybe?  This thesis has taken over everything.  I wake up shower run to lab work work work go home sleep wake up and do it again.  Weekends I spend with FH and we are lazy together.

I am whale-like.  I can feel it, I can see it, and the scale confirms it.  Ugh.

I have 45 minutes of freedom now.  Time to go read blogs.

<3

I am reading:

I avoid looking down at my body, not so much because it's shameful or immodest but because I don't want to see it.  I don't want to look at something that determines me so completely.

--The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

Obviously this quote is not in the context of ED, but I find it hits a chord with me.  I separate my mind and my body but body wins.  I don't want my me-ness to be influenced by my body, but my body houses me and so it always determines.  I define my days by my body.  And in that response, I become less sure of my mind.  It is a vicious circle of insecurity.

The book is about sexism, not ED, but you should read it anyway.

Have returned alive from boat.  Also have horrendous cold.  Yuck.

Here is a pretty picture for you:

Degas

I feel bittersweet and illusory.

The doctor's scale told me Friday that I am fat.  (Somehow that makes it more official than my scale.)

I went to a concert with FH last night and jumped the entire time.  Today my legs are not sore but they are tired.  We went to the library and walked around downtown for a couple hours and then came back to his apartment and watched Princess Mononoke.

It's sad that FH is not really mine, but then again I suppose I am not his either.

All of next week I am on boat, which is exciting since I've never actually over-nighted on a boat before.

I want to write more, I want to let all the words in my head out, but I cannot because FH has just finished making me dinner.  So my brain will remain full.

Sorry I haven't been around much lately...I miss you guys muchly.

Love,

Salix