Every time I get under GW 1 I promptly binge.  It is a bizarre behavior.  Stomach, body, brain, you have much farther to go!  Do not get complacent.

Today's binge was bad, but it could have been worse.  I will content myself with that thought.

I have not accomplished anything yet.  Grad applications linger over my head like a threatening storm cloud.  I do not know why I am so afraid of them!  Surely the process cannot be that bad!  I have a back-up plan for if everyone rejects me.  I have great GRE scores and I look pretty good on paper.  Why am I so hesitant?  I should just get the damn things over with.

I wish that I was less awkward around people.  I wish I was slim and delicate and confident.

I need to leave so that I do not miss another meeting.  My commitments are no longer enjoyable...they are a constant drudgery that I only perform to satisfy everyone else's expectations.  What do I do for myself and only for myself?  Nothing.  Perhaps that is why I binge.

I am falling apart.  Flying into a million billion minuscule pieces.  There is too much and I am not capable of handling all of it.  I wish I could hide under my covers forever.

fatuglyfatuglyfatuglygluttonousblobbyoverflowingraveninggorginginsatiablegrosspiggypigpig

FUCK.

Why why why am I up so early?

To study crabbies, that's why!  (Yes, the actual decapod-type crabs.)  Only only I didn't realize that it would still be dark now--why is it dark?  It was light by this time yesterday--so even though the tide is right, I am emphatically not not not in the marshes but instead sitting at home!  What a boo situation!

And Cute Boy never called me.  And it's now been a week since he said he would.  :(

But!  I do now have texting on my phone!  And so far I love it love it love it.  I am a really slowwww texter though.  If turtles had opposable thumbs and cared about communication, they would text at approximately the same rate I do.

So!  It is finally getting light.  Hello, morning!  Now off to the beaches with you, Salix!

Last Standardized Test of My Life

I am eating 200 cals of oatmeal right now.  Which is allowed on account of the test. 

I have been so boring lately!  Life is in the way.  I want to be creative and type all the words spilling from my brain right now, but I have to have to have to getupgetdressedlastfewstudyquestionspanicpanicpanicgettocampusfindtestingroom.

Love from the obsessively incessantly manic test-taker!

Cute Boy Alert!

Back to GW 1, which is nice!  I am feeling moderately more in control.

Ran into Cute Boy from high school yesterday (yes, we go to the same university).  I hadn't seen him in so long!  Hugged him hard and chatted.  :)

So I heard you and M broke up.
Oh, ummm, yeah.  Last semester.
What happened?
I...dunno, really.  Just before I left for the summer, he was like "we're going in different directions.  and you're a crazy bitch."  And I was like *shrug* "ok, whatever".  And then I went away all summer, which was totally amazing and exactly what I needed.  And now he's dating one of my friends, which is so awkward it's hilarious.

(a little later)
You don't have texting on your phone, do you?
Nope.  I think I'm going to get it though, after my subject tests are over.  Why?  Did you try to text me or something?
Yeah, I had a dream about you the other night and was going to text you about it.
Oh really?  What about?
You were dating this guy named Gill.  Are you dating someone named Gill?
No...I'm not dating anyone right now.

He said he'd call me.  I hope he does.

On the texting subject, I've pretty much decided to get it added to my plan.  Next weekend is my last subject test!  So after that's over.

Today

I am fasting.