Scattered

thoughts like droplets flying, products of adiabatic cooling as they sweep over windward mountain slopes...condensing, vapor rejected by the very air that cradled it only moments before.

I hate myself right now.

GW1 waves goodbye as I gallop back to my starting point.

I've done this before.  Many times.

I just want to be normal!  After 7 fucking years of disorder.  I just want not to think about anything.  I want to give up.

Did well on the GREs.  Not a perfect score, but higher than I'd expected.

Binged.

Profs told me my scores meant I could go pretty much wherever I want.

Binged more.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Am I scared of options?

Played with fish today for my thesis.

Drifted in and out of class.

Binged.

Eek!

Officially under GW 1!!!  I don't want to jinx it, but I had to share!  I'm so excited right now!

GRE tomorrow.  I can DO this.  *studystudystudy*

(WAHOOOOOOO!)

Overworked

So much to do and so little time to do it!  Aaugh!

I have hit a plateau, weight-wise, and have been feeling bingey.  I get really triggered by stress and frustration, and I've had an inordinate amount of both today. 

But I will prevail!  I will will will break through this! 

(and I will not have a mental breakdown because of all this work...homework, and grad applications, and the GRE, and managing the club, and teaching...bleah)

Lots and lots of love from the fatty who is behind on reading blogs due to a weekend of no internet access!

Annoyance

I still cannot figure out this comment-posting thing!  I use Blogger; surely my Google account should work?  I can't even post comments to my own blog--even as "anonymous".

I feel very techno-illiterate right now.  It's totally and completely frustrating, because I have things I want to SAY to you all!  I want to sympathize and support!

And I've wasted enough time trying to figure the stupid comment-system out that now I have to have to have to go study or I will not be able to finish my goal before class.  And I have 2 tests tomorrow, both in my hardest classes.  Blech.

(P.S.  Lots of love to you, E--breathe deep!  You are strong; you can handle this!)

(P.P.S.  Go to class, Peri!  You are such a tease, with your surprise.  Can't wait to see it!)

Argh Argh Argh

I get on Facebook today, and first thing I see: my friend's status is "I have the best boyfriend!  xP"  Gag me with a spoon. 

This is the friend who is dating my ex...who was supposed to be gone this year...who is not gone, and the both of them are in 3 (count 'em!) of my evening courses.

This is not good ex- etiquette, I'd just like to say! 

Hello There!

In the midst of chem hw, I distracted myself: "Oh!  I'll just have a quick peek at Blogger!"

And guess what I discovered?  Little green people proclaiming that I have 1 follower!

Oh dear oh dear oh good golly miss molly, I am excited!  My first ever follower! 

Hello, E H, and welcome!  I am glad you are here!  No longer shall I proclaim my thoughts into an endless net of space and bytes and pixels and general computer-y bits! 

I will endeavor not to bore you to tears.  (Oh god!  The expectations!  Now I shall have to actually be interesting!  And really keep up with my blog and not slack on writing!)

And now back to the evils of chemical analysis, as I really must finish these problems before my club meeting.  :(

My Life is Complicated

So I've been devouring the U.K. tv show "Supersize vs. Superskinny".  (This show might be thinspo for some, but for some reason it triggers me.  I've been eating and eating and eating.  Thank goodness I've finally finished all the uploaded YouTube episodes!)  But anyway.  Taking the time to watch shows means I've neglected my homework.  Which means that here I am, on a Saturday evening, trying to play catch-up.  Which means 3 mini-research papers, chem homework and lab prep, 3 more computer files to analyze, and a research spreadsheet to fill out. 

I feel so unmotivated.

Tomorrow, I am sleeping in.