M is such a fucking sweetheart. I told him I was freaking the fuck out over my thesis (I was...more on that in a minute), and he said, "Yeah, life can get overwhelming at times. But when you get here, I'm going to make sure your life is fun, chilled, and completely relaxed. And you can have all the hugs you want." Awww. :)
And now the bad news: 1) officially no longer graduating at beginning of summer, now hoping for end of summer (which is good and bad, depending on how you look at it) and 2) I spoke to my mother today and my dad's not doing well. So I guess it's good that I'm going home now so that I can see him...but oh god I hate seeing him like this. The sad doesn't get less sad with repetition.
I'm taking lots of work home with me. Goal: to write a lot of words. Coherent words. Hopefully publishable words. Blahhhhh.
hopefully you've made it home safe and sound and all is well with you!
ReplyDeleteI get where you're coming from with not liking the concept of starting over, but I do. I like it in the eastern sense of the phrase, where when you sleep, the day and all that transpired is finished.
Yesterday is closed. Done. You can't go back and undo what transpired, nor can you retrace your steps. Tomorrow is brand new, empty and waiting for new decisions, new choices, fresh perspective if you're up to choosing a different point of view.
I once read somewhere that the future is perfect precisely because it has happened yet. That is why I like starting over. Because I have the opportunity to make different decisions tomorrow than I did today. I can choose not to let yesterday drag me down and hold me captive to its finished business.
I like the infinite potential of tomorrow because it is unknown. And it's that unknown quality which gives it hope.
That premise is what I've based my entire recovery on, and so far, for me, it's worked.
If the road trip metaphor works for you, then let's both keep on keepin' on. :)
*hasn't
ReplyDeletetyping too fast. oops.
Lol, it's ok. Cameras are evil little bastards anyway. They never capture colours right!
ReplyDeleteI hope your plane fight went ok. So long as Scotty's not behind the wheel you should be ok. (Kidding! his only crash was caused by an earthquake annihilating his refuelling point, he had a textbook-perfect off-road landing when the gas ran out)
Hmmm, I guess the graduating-later bit can be good, it means more time to bash at the analysis programs and fine-tune your thesis. Will you tell us about your findings? Can you tell us about your findings? I'm sure they'll be a little more coherent than ramblings about Pre-Tolkenian Fantasy Literature! You're doing Science!
Speaking of science, have you ever heard the Skeptic's Guide podcast? I'm in love with it already. Yay for critical thinking, testing hypotheses and doing research! :D
That's not good to hear about your Dad. Sending all my love to you and yours. Give yourself a hug from me? Anything you need?
Arohanui <3