FH still won't talk to me. M says "we can't be friends any longer" but won't give me an explanation why not. Advisor told me that basically the work I'm doing (that he pushed me into in the first place) won't be publishable. Which means I've essentially wasted 2 years of my life and won't be able to get into a good PhD program. I got in a car accident. No one was hurt (except my car). None of the funding sources I've applied to have gotten back to me. I don't know what I'll do if they don't soon. I can't afford to pay tuition for next quarter. I'm not enrolled this quarter because I couldn't afford it. If I'm going to graduate, I have to be enrolled next quarter. I need to make a decision about whether to renew the lease with FH & Y. It would be stupid to do so, I know, but I'm so overwhelmed with everything that I can't even bear to think about finding a new place and moving in less than a month. I'm moving back there this weekend; I've run out of friends' houses to crash. And I can't afford to pay extra utilities/rent anymore.
Broken heart over FH and M. Broken spirit over this horrible thesis. Broken hopes of going to another school for my PhD--my only shot at a good program is to stay here and hope that they'll overlook my lack of publications because they know me. Broken car. At least my body's intact still.
That's a lot of stuff going on in your life all at once.
ReplyDeleteWhy isn't the work publishable? And can you get a job teaching at the same school you're studying at? Is that a solution to paying tuition?
I have no idea how most of this stuff works (I'm a college dropout) but I sympathize.
As for FH, it's not surprising he won't talk...he wasn't keen on talking before; the time apart probably just felt to him like a tidy way of wrapping up loose ends and calling it good. I think M might be struggling with the fact that he has feelings for you that can't be coped with with you so far away maybe?
That's all conjecture and broad speculation but I wish I could help you out somehow.
xoxo
*Smacks FH* *Smacks M* *Beats supervisor over the head with nice heavy textbook* *Hugs you until you eyes pop out*
ReplyDeleteWhat a horrible pile of shittyness to dump on you all at once. Dear life, this is so NOT COOL. Leave Salix the fsck alone! I'm so glad you weren't hurt in the car accident. How's the wheeled beast? Do you need a hand?
If you have the urge to move for a bit and maybe change study direction. . . Fish-related study options here. . . Portobello Aquarium is totally awesome and we are nice and close to a whole bunch of weird Antarctic and deep-sea fishehs, not to mention COLOSSAL SQUID.
http://www.otago.ac.nz/postgraduate/?gclid=CL3RpqjO4LACFQolpQods35a0Q
I'm serious though, colossal squid. I saw the one at Te Papa and it was AMAZING!
http://squid.tepapa.govt.nz/
They even had life-size replica of the hooks to play with.
Let me know if there is anything you'd like me to do or send you. Extra shifts have to be good for something, right?
Take care of yourself.
Arohanui <3 *Squiddy hugs*