I'm ashamed to talk about food because I'm supposed to be recovering. And I'm not. I'm doing as poorly as I've ever done. I want to just not-eat anymore. I can't deal with food. I'm trying to eat 3 times a day, but clearly I can't handle that. And then I freak out and binges happen. It's like I'm not even trying.
At least I'm running though. That's good. I can only bring myself to go when it gets dark--I can't handle the idea of people watching me. And I didn't go yesterday. I went to my friend's house and had dinner & wine. So maybe I'll run tonight instead.
I told Advisor that I am drowning slightly and he said I needed to learn how to say no. Maybe so. It's 2 pm on a Saturday and it's homework time. I wish my laptop worked better outside because it's beautiful out today. Spring is finally here. I hope to hell it stays; I'm so sick of the cold & grey.
I'm so sorry I haven't been around. Such a horrible person, abandoning everyone when they need hugs and some inept comments of no-helpfulness.
ReplyDeleteI like the bubble bath idea. And the less-procrastination. And the saying to to people in order to get thesis work done. FH. . . gah. Sometimes you do end up making better friends than life partners. Him shutting you down like that was very uncool. Lol, he sounded almost exactly like The Boy! I have no good advice, since you know how well I handled the ending of THAT relationship -.-;
It is NOT shameful to admit when things are going bumpy, going wonky or just plain not going at all. Who said you have to do everything in life according to a rulebook? (Even tabletop RPs, those seem to be pretty damn book-intensive and Awesome American Dude still makes them completely random! Have I told you the "Buttfucking? Ok, thake a roll" story?) Everyone is different, therefore their lives and brains and disorders and triggers and recoveries are all different. Find out what your triggers for behaviours are and work from there. Life would be very boring indeed if everyone was identical (And if there was only ONE cause of mental illness this shit would never be an issue. It would be so nice if things were as simple as "thinking happy thoughts")
Yay for spring! Although I prefer Autumn. All the introduced trees go pink in spring and orange in autumn. So pretty! Go outside and enjoy the new colours and get some sunlight! You lucky girl, take advantage of your lack of ozone hole and produce some vitamin D with that dermis of yours!
Take care of yourself and have a great rest of your weekend. Lots of love and hugs!
*Squiddy hugs*
P.S. I made up this pattern, but mucked it up so it looks like a deformed penis with dreadlocks for pubes. So nasty! Going to frog it and try again D:
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