Sometimes I really fucking miss gymnastics.  I miss my old body, I miss my old strength.  I miss being so focused on practice.  I miss maybe the thought, the idea, the feeling of gymnastics rather than the gym.  I don't miss my teammates, because I was always sort of an outcast anyway.  I do miss the sense of being home.  I have not felt that in quite some time.

One of my labmates sent me a paper with the comment, "I thought you might find this article on ED useful".  I did a double-take, then realized that he was referring to energy densities.

I'm staying at a friend's house this week, trying to give myself & FH some space.  I think things are through and that makes me sad.  But if he's not willing to work with me...what else can I do?  I've tried everything I could think of.  I cannot be the only one here putting in effort.  He needs to want to be with me, and right now he doesn't know if he wants that.  Fair enough.

My self-esteem is kind of shit right now because of all the FH drama.  I think being away from it will be good for me.  I miss my fluffy kitty though.  

I haven't decided how long I'm staying here or what to do next.  I left FH a note saying, "I think it's best if I leave for a while.  You know where to find me if you want to talk."  But I don't think he will want to talk.  I suspect that by doing this I have sort of put an end to everything.  It's sad.  I'm sad about it.

Oh well.  Shit happens.  Everything will come out in the wash.

More work to do tonight before sleep can happen.  Need to keep myself busy and ace my meetings this week.

Olga Korbut