my lovely coworkers

Another good day. I took one jar of pickles to stick in the fridge at work. I also took some yogurt (FiberOne, 80 cals) and a big bag of pretzels. I made sure to offer them to everyone...and then kept them out next to me at my desk, so it looked like I was munching on them. Luckily, I don't really like pretzels all that much.

Ate one pickle for lunch and no one commented, so I was able to skip the yogurt (which had been my back-up plan). My brain started tempting me, so I had another pickle at dinnertime.

Aside from that--drank my daily quota, biked, did my push-ups and crunches. Did not get to jog or do any yoga though.

Today at lunch, the usual crowd was making fun of one of my coworkers. Let me preface by saying that almost everyone I work with is fairly skinny. Except for this woman. She is even larger than me...she is kind of like my reverse thinspo. She also does not get along very well with others. Not that she is a bitch or anything like that--I think she means well, she's just very awkward about it. You know the kind. You just want to take them aside and tell them to stop trying so hard.

I sympathize with her because I have difficulty interacting also...I never know the right things to say or do. It's like there is a secret cipher for life that I haven't yet managed to crack. My childhood isolation from pop culture probably doesn't help.

Anyway. The fatty coworker. We'll call her F. She was working off-site today, so naturally, they all started making jokes at her expense. One of the other girls (the skinniest one) described F's eating habits with the most disgusted look on her face. F doesn't eat at all healthily. She buys pizza and fast food regularly...and will attempt to hide it, much to the amusement of everyone else. But the thing that S (skinny chick) kept harping on was that F sneaks the food into her room and eats it there, which spawned an entire discussion on food hoarding and how gross it is.

All I could think, sitting there, was that I have done the same fucking thing. I felt so transparent at that moment, like all my fucked up eating habits were about to be cruelly exposed and laughed at, just like F's. I felt sorry for F, and at the same time, I felt ashamed of myself.