I went out with the work people for "dinner" tonight. I managed to beg off, saying I wasn't really hungry, and just stuck with my water. It's a really lame excuse, I know. I'm going to have to be more careful in the future...don't want anyone getting suspicious. I'm not a great dissembler as it is, so every little move counts.
It's odd; you'd think that displaying that sort of willpower would make me more determined. Instead, it almost triggered a binge. I was so frustrated. Their food looked and smelled so good, and I was wishing the whole time that I had something to shove in my mouth. I don't actually eat food, really. I don't taste it as I shovel it down. My mouth just wants something to do.
Anyway, I held out for the duration of dinner. Got home and knew that I had a half bag of pretzels in the pantry and that I could stuff my face full and finish off that bag. Drank a Diet Coke (slooowly) and somehow stopped myself. Didn't eat a thing. I suppose I should be proud of myself for that, but really I'm just ashamed that I came so close to breaking already. On only the second day of liquid fasting.
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