Oh man guys.  3 days without internet (rargle bargle Comcast grumble).  I missed you!

6 months for D and I as of yesterday.  :) 

I'm going over to his place soon today to study (EVIL biochem final on monday).  Yay!

And we had our first sort-of fight two days ago.  I think?  Maybe?  I'm not sure what counts as a fight.  We disagree and have discussions, etc. but I don't count those.  Usually he does not get angry or upset.  This time I think he was.  I was too.

So the story: I had an incredibly bad day and texted him around 3 pm.  He didn't text back and my day just got worse...so I was horribly cranky and angry and snippy by the time bedtime rolled around.  I texted him: "I'm going to assume that you have a good reason for ignoring me and that you'll explain later."  He texted that he'd gotten caught up in stuff and forgot.

Now, few things push my buttons...but being ignored and being forgotten do.  Like, a lot.  Like, I have ISSUES with those things.  So immediately I was super super upset.  I texted him that it takes 5 seconds to send a text and am I not worth 5 seconds of his life?  (There were some swearies in the message too...)  and he texted back "You are being overbearing and insulting."

He ended up coming over and we talked.  Things are good again.  He still loves me.

I don't know what's wrong with me, lovelies.  I feel so stressed out lately.  Most of it is school and graduation stuff, some of it is making a decision about grad school, some of it is that D's going away for a 3 week family vacation next week and also that I'm worried about the long-distance stuff for that and for grad school...a lot of it is ED related.  I talked to someone in the school counseling center about getting treatment.  I'm afraid.  I don't know if I'm ready to do this.  I don't know how else to cope with things.  I don't know whether I'm doing it for the right reasons.  I have to admit, secretly I hope that they will give me a prescription for Topa.  I feel so out of control lately.  Maybe that would help? 

I don't think that I am approaching this as treatment in the proper way.  I think that my brain is following this process: they will prescribe you Topa, you can use it to get down to your proper weight, then you can actually begin trying to recover.

I don't know if anybody with an ED ever really recovers.  I just can't handle the way things are right now.  I don't know what else to do.

I'm also stressed out because my period is about a week and a half late now.  And I've been PMSing that whole time.  I know it's probably all the stress (there is no way I'm pregnant, since D is waiting for marriage) but it still sucks like hell.

And on that lovely note...

(more regular posts when finals are done and thesis is turned in officially and graduation/family visit is over.  I swear!  Cross my heart)