D says, "I feel like every time I talk to you it is a roll of the dice.  I never know which Salix I will get.  And lately it feels like--and maybe this is just a cognitive bias--but I feel like I always get the unhappy one.  And I have to spend the first 30 minutes of every conversation calming you down or talking you out of whatever negative pit you are in."
I tell him that I am just adjusting.  That it is difficult me being here and him being there.
He says, "We knew it would be hard."
Yes, we did.
He says, "Talking to you should be the highlight of my day."
I guess it is not.  I wish it were.
He says, "Don't cry.  Please."
I say I am sorry.
He says, "No, it's just that I am not there to wipe the tears off your face.  It makes me feel...impotent..."

I asked him if he was considering breaking it off.  He says, "If I were, I would tell you."  I suppose that is true...but I feel as though he is leading up to it anyway.  Is this just paranoia?

He says he loves me.
He says that I am just frustrating sometimes and that this relationship can be stressful.
But he says he loves me.

I don't know what to do.
I am afraid to go back on the meds because my intake has been SO GOOD lately.
I am afraid not to go back on the meds because my emotions are out of control.
What if they don't help, though?

I am afraid I am ruining this relationship.
I don't want to do that.

Plan: I will go back on the meds.  Slowly.  If they help the emotions and don't hurt the eating then I will stay on them.  If they don't help the emotions and hurt the eating I will go off.  If they help the emotions and hurt the eating?  I don't know.  Then comes a choice between the anxiety and the food and I am not sure which I can handle better.

I am afraid.