I have made my first appointment at the Counseling Center in this new school.  Next Monday.  Before they assign you a therapist, you have to do an "intake evaluation".  Which means that I did not have to give any details or explain anything over the phone, but that Monday's appt will probably be awful.  I will not cry in front of them.  I will not.

I am overloaded with work already.  Grad school is intense.  I know I will not be able to handle this if I am binging/starving all the time.  I know I need to regulate this.  I still don't know how.  But I'm working on it.

Here are the goals:
1.  Eat 3 times a day.  At regular scheduled intervals.
2.  Eat 1000-1500 calories per day.  That still seems like a lot.  I know it is not really.  I know that my BMR is around 1400 cals/day and my gw BMR is around 1250 cals/day.  I know that I am active enough to burn off extra calories (even though I have been a lazy butt and haven't been going to the gym).  I know that typical binges are higher than that and so even if I feel that I am eating a lot daily, at least I am not binging.  I just need to keep telling myself this.  I need to make myself believe that this really is an ok amount to eat.
3.  Go to the gym on weekdays.  Cardio on T/Th and strength on MWF.  This is because I like longer cardio workouts and I have early classes on MWF.  And I don't want to wake up at 5 every morning because, as previously mentioned, I am lazy.

And that is it.  Only 3 goals.  I am not making a weight loss goal, even though I hope that I will still be losing weight.  (Mathematically, I will be.  If my body adheres to the laws of physics, I will be.)  I need to keep this simple as possible to make it easier to follow.

Today I was in a rush to get to class so I skipped breakfast (bad Salix!).  But I ate lunch with H which is good because it made me have to eat.  Steamed rice and veggies--I cheated; it was a microwave-able meal--220 calories.  I had an apple too (80 cals) but H finished her lunch before I got to it and I hate eating when other people aren't.  And I didn't want to eat it anyway.  I told myself I would save it for a snack later in the office.  Only then I left a little earlier than planned and so I still didn't eat it.  Haven't had dinner yet; we'll see how that goes.  I'm not going to hit the goal of 1000 cals today though...there is no way my dinner will be 780 cals!  That's ok.  Progress is made through lots of little steps.

So really I guess what I should be aiming for is 500 cals per meal.  I doubt breakfast will ever get that high.  And it still seems like such a lot.  Maybe 200 breakfast, 500 lunch, 300 dinner?  That puts me at 1000.  I should also schedule snacks in there, but that concept is too scary right now.  Maybe later.

My fridge and pantry are stocked with safe, non-bingey foods.  Vegetable soup.  Apples.  Oatmeal.  Carrot sticks.  Broccoli.

I hope I am strong enough to do this.