Fuck.  Fucking fucking fucking fuck.

I paid $1800 for my car today, for all the repairs it needed to have.  That was basically my entire checking and savings.  I have to pay $600 more for it tomorrow.  I don't have $600.  I have $70 cash from dog-sitting.

I have to have the car to pick D up from the airport and to go hiking with him on Tuesday.  I called my friend B, who is a mechanic, and asked him whether I'd be okay to drive it just a little bit longer without the $600 repair.  The answer is no.  Not if I want to actually get anywhere further away than 20 miles without tearing my engine to shreds.

So I bit the bullet and called my mother.  2 hours of listening to how irresponsible I am and how I shouldn't be living on my own and she agreed to transfer some money into my checking account (my OWN money, it's just in an account which I cannot access without her signature).

I'm not irresponsible...it's just that $2400 is a fucking lot of money all at once, especially on a grad student salary.  My only monetary irresponsibility is binging.  I don't buy myself anything other than food and plane tickets.

And then I get home, and I have a letter from my grad student insurance saying that EVEN THOUGH THE SCHOOL TOLD ME MY VACCINES WERE 100% COVERED, APPARENTLY THEY ARE ACTUALLY 0% COVERED.  So I cried.  A lot.  That's another $237 I don't have.  And I can't ask my mother for help there because she is anti-vax and I would not just have to suffer through hours of lecture...I would probably be totally disowned from the family.  I'm not exaggerating.

So now what the fuck am I going to do?

I'm going to call the health center tomorrow.

And I texted D even though he is at a conference and I should not have bothered him.  And of course he didn't respond.  I shouldn't have expected a response.  But I really really wish I'd gotten one.  I guess I'll see him tomorrow night.

I shouldn't be unloading on him anyway because I need to be happy and awesome so that he loves me and doesn't feel stressed about our relationship and/or leave me for F.

I tend to get irrational and insecure when I am upset.  That previous thought is proof.

I'm going to go cry some more and then take a nyquil to put myself to sleep.

Didn't eat today.