I get in the car and pretty much the first thing D says is, "Have you had dinner yet?" (It's nearly midnight his time.)
"...not really" (I can't lie to D)
"We should get you something!"
"No, I'm fine. I had some tomato juice on the plane. They gave me 2 packets of peanuts too, but I didn't eat them. You know I hate nuts. By the way, do you want 2 packets of peanuts?" (I babble to try to distract. It doesn't work very well.)
"...did you have lunch?"
"..." (DAMMIT, I CAN'T LIE TO D)
"...I had tomato juice! It was tasty!"
After he figured out how many calories are in tomato juice (answer: not many) and realized I was at about 50 calories total today, he told me I was going to eat a snack at least. I'm freaking out in my head the whole time. I can't eat. Can't can't can't. It's way too late, it's almost midnight, can't eat anything after 8 pm, that was L's rule not mine, so it is not disordered, it's just not healthy to eat late at night, I cannot have anything in my stomach when I go to bed. Start feeling vaguely nauseous. Can't even picture myself eating. The process is way too complicated, way too complex.
"I'll eat tomorrow! I promise." (I'm already planning on eating tomorrow. Food tomorrow is expected. Not feeling totally okay about it, but it's at least not a surprise. I can't handle surprise food.)
"You're damn right you'll eat tomorrow. That doesn't mean you don't need to eat today." (What? Yes it does.)
I think he figured out how stressed I was, or maybe just forgot about feeding me. Because we had cups of hot tea together and then bedtime. I'm still up because it's still early my time, but I need to go sleep soon so that I can get up early to go to campus with D tomorrow. (Yes, he is staying nights here with me! One worry gone! Not that I was really worried about that...I hadn't even thought anything of his choosing to sleep here or at apartment until therapist said something about it. Honestly, it doesn't really bother me. It's not like we'd be sleeping together in either case.)
Tomorrow I will eat. I promise.
*Facedashboard* I take it the worry hat is already being put to use? Poor you, being met by the Spanish Inquisition! (Or something like. I just had too much pizza, I'm overreacting)
ReplyDeleteToday I learned a log-tailed cast on for knitting hats, AND how to knit in the round! :D My "Hat worthy of Mordor" is 1cm long and growing :3
The only problems with pompoms are time and cardboard. Lol, mutilate a tissue box when D is at class. He'll never notice. . . NOT!
Fark, hot tea sounds SOOOO good right now! Remember The Boy? He hosted a 'Support ChCh Pizza Night' and I had far too much! Lol, serves me right for not eating Hell's Pizza in years >.<
Imma crawl to the jug now. Have a good sleep and a cruisy day tomorrow <3