Another Day, Another Plan

Day 2 of a 7-day cleanse. I've got 3 weeks before I have to see the ex again; need to get with the program. The name of the game is lose lose lose. As much as quickly as possible.

Fasting isn't an option. People at work and housemates will notice. Plus, extended fasts always trigger my urge to binge. So restriction and exercise it is. And lots of water/diet tea.

This week: 7-day cleanse.
Week 2: Metabolife phase 1
Week 3: Metabolife phase 2

I've never really used diet pills before...we'll see how it works. Honestly, I'm not expecting much. I'm just hoping that the caffeine in them will help keep my metabolism active.


I'm so messed up in the head over the ex. I think he's flirting/crushing on another girl and it's throwing me for a loop. I mean, I know it's none of my business, whatever. This fucker screwed me over! I want him to hurt. I want him to want me and know that he blew it. Does that make me a bad person?

The first time we broke up was because he wanted another girl too. It annoys me, the similarities between the two girls--both are stick thin. Completely my opposite.

I don't want to get back together with him. I don't think. Hell, maybe I do. I don't know. Maybe it's just that I'm so used to him...he is familiar territory. Maybe it's my low self-esteem, telling me that I could never get another guy, so I should stick with the one I got. Only...I don't have him anymore, do I? I fucked it up. Just like I fuck up everything.

I don't know anymore.

But I'm going to have to see him in 3 weeks, and I want to be skinny, I want to be pretty, I want to be confident. I want to exude sexiness and I want him to want me back. I want him to want me and know that he can't have me.

Realistically, I can't get skinny in 3 weeks...I have way too much extra poundage to make that goal. But I CAN be thinner. I WILL be thinner.