One of psychology's historical "motivators" for eds is the desire to disappear.
Not me. Why not? Because I'm already fucking invisible!
I'm the amazing invisible fatty. I walk into a room and no one even looks up. I sit with a group for 20 minutes and not a single person acknowledges my presence.
If I were thin, people would notice.
Another of the "motivators" for eds is the desire to garner attention (as contrary as that might seem).
I won't lie; I'd like to at least be able to get a "hello" when I sit down. But I definitely don't want anyone to notice/care what I eat and how much I eat.
I don't want to disappear. I don't want attention for a fucking disorder. I just want to like myself and my body for once in my life!
And that will never happen if I don't stop whining and start restricting and exercising.
Fuck, I can't believe it's almost the end of July.
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