Indecision

Weight is down to where it was in May, after the stress of finals and ex-bf issues, and fasting for a week and a half. This is nice.

My coworkers are throwing a party tonight. I can't decide whether to go or not...on the one hand, I will be perceived as antisocial if I don't go, but on the other hand, I'm sure my lack of eating will be noticed if I go and don't eat, but on the mutant third hand, if I go and eat--even just a little bit--I don't know if I'll be able to stop. This week has been total hell, and I feel like binge mode will kick in if I allow myself even a little lee-way. Why would I want to put myself through that temptation?

So I don't think I will go. It's shit outside anyway, and I am nice and cozy in here. Maybe I will watch a movie tonight, curled up in my fuzzy blanket.

The ex-bf has a new girlfriend. I was in a fucked-up head space about that last night when I found out, but now...I'm kinda numb.

I know I shouldn't care about it. It's not like we were ever going to get back together. But still. It's only been 2 months. How did he get over a 6 year relationship in 2 months? That definitely hurts my feelings.

Plus, the new girl (who actually happens to be one of my friends) is so skinny. She eats all the time, doesn't purge or use diet pills, and barely exercises, but she's bony as hell.

Actually, every girl that he's ever gone out with has been skinny except for me. You can guess how that makes me feel.

I am such a fatty. I don't want to think about this anymore. I'm thinking about all the food I could shovel down my throat. I don't want to binge. I've done so well this week! I just want to fill the space inside of me.