The Internet

Ugh. People are assholes.

So I obsessed for a day about that cute boy I met, and finally said to myself, "Salix, you missed your chance. Give it up. I know he's the first guy who's shown any sort of interest in a while, but seriously. You will never see him again."

(Background: I just got out of a long-ass relationship that was so shit at the end that I didn't even care anymore. He was completely selfish and self-absorbed and couldn't give a flying fuck about our relationship or my feelings. And when I say long, I'm talking like 5 years. Which, at my age, is fucking forever. I've never been very confident around guys; I don't know how to flirt at all. My ex used to tell me that the reason guys didn't flirt with me is that they knew we were together. He said that guys have something like single-radar--they can tell by the vibes a girl gives off whether she is taken or not. He's full of shit...the reason guys aren't interested in me is because I'm a fucking lard-ass, but whatever. Suffice to say, I'm not used to male attention at all.)

I don't believe in fate or destiny or sentimental bullshit like that. But on a whim, I posted a Craigslist ad in missed connections for that boy. Got 3 responses and promptly took the damn thing down.

Response 1: hi....

Response 2 (from a female): just saw your ad. how are you doing?

Response 3: sweetie, I was just being nice u are kinda cute but im not interested. wow u sound like a stalker

I know it's pretty unlikely that Response 3 was actually the guy. In fact, the email address was the wrong name. And, using my "stalker" internet skills, I googled the email name, and the guy who uses that tag is 34. Definitely not my guy. Not that that proves anything. Could be a nickname and tags are anonymous (unless you actually are a hacker. Which clearly, I am not.)

Still rattled me though. I had a shitty day today, I'm exhausted, I'm on my period. I have low self-esteem to begin with. I don't fucking need to deal with assholes on top of all that. The worst thing is that it's all my fault. I should've known better.

I feel fat and unattractive and unloved and loser-ish.

I'm not a fucking stalker!

I hate people.