So!  First things first.  Sunshine award! 

rules of this blog award:
1. post this logo within blog post.
2. pass award on to 5 fellow bloggers.
3. link to nominees within your post.
4. let the nominees know they've received an award by commenting on their blog.
5. share the love! link the person from whom received the sunshine award.

Peri at Glue and Pieces gave me this award, so here's her link.  She's abso-tively posi-lutely incredible.  Love love love.  <3

I have so many more than 5!  I wish I could list everybody.  If you're not on this list, well...you should be.  I love you all.

1. SBB at Skin & Bones Beautiful.
    She and I have gone through some of the same shit with exes.  Plus she's awesome and lovely and deserves so much more.
2. PD at My Life: Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Crazy.
     PD's got the most adorable daughter and you can tell she's an awesome mom.  Her posts are (by turns and sometimes all at once) funny, intense, and emotional.  Love her writing and honesty.
3. Pretty Wreck at Control.
    Pretty Wreck is such an inspiration.  She is the kind of person that looks shit in the face and just goes, "I am going to kick your butt."  And then she does it.  It's pretty amazing.  Plus she introduced me to the Smashing Pumpkins song "Zero", which I love.
4. Zen at Dainty Zen.
    Zen's such a sweetheart--and her posts almost always make me smile (except for the most recent one, because it is so awfully sad).
5. Sottile at Now It's All Collapsed.
    Sottile's super-smart and another of my inspirations.  Like me, she's handling school and food and roommates and family and travel all put together.  Unlike me, she's incredibly good at it.  Her posts are always optimistic and she never seems to lose control.


Ok ok, now that we've got that over with (SO hard to only pick five!  Seriously, guys!  I want to give this to everyone in my community, because you are all so wonderful!)...on to the mess of my life once again (ahhh I'm so selfish).

So I gave my talk and poster presentation yesterday and it went fairly well, I guess.  Today I have to make another poster for the session next Friday...and I have to play in a concert.  I'm principal clarinet, so I sit right out in front...and my ex is in the band (trumpet player) and his gf is too(second chair clarinet--yes, the one he started dating almost immediately after breaking up with me...he got over 6 years in about a month).  Awkward!  I so hope his mom doesn't come to this concert, because I am wayyyy too fat for the dress that I am wearing.  I don't really have anything else to wear though.  The last time I spoke to his mom was the day after he dumped me.  Nearly a year ago.  She told me she loved me like a daughter.  Ummm...guess not!

Plus, I have this huge bruise on my arm.  I don't know from what, but it's shaped vaguely like fingermarks, so I'm thinking D.  Don't worry; he's definitely not abusive or anything like that...I just bruise really easily.  Plus, he's been teaching me some martial arts throws (he does brazilian jiu-jitsu and krav maga), so it might be from that...or it might be from when he pinned me down the other night and kissed me so hard I couldn't breathe.  (HOT)  Oh my gosh, girlies, do I love this man.

Anyways though.  The dress I'm wearing has spaghetti straps, so the bruise is totally visible.  The shape's fading a little though.  You can't really tell it's a handprint.  So I guess it'll be ok.

This is probably a really terrible impulse, but every time I see M (the ex) or his brother or his mom or his friends, I want to be thin and amazing.  I want to be with D and to be laughing and happy.  To kind of rub it in his face that I DON'T NEED HIM.  That I am so much happier without him.  (Hence the reason I worry about the bruise.  I definitely don't want them to think that D abuses me!)  Does that make me a bad person?

Blehhh whatever.  I'm not gonna stress about it.  I'm just going to play amazingly today.  And hope that D can make it to the concert (he's still sick.  He quarantined himself for the past couple days in the hopes that he'd feel well enough to leave the house today.  I saw him yesterday and his cough seems better.  I really hope he'll come today).

So next week I have a biochem test.  I have a poster session where I have to present two posters.  I have to finish my thesis.  It's due on Monday (assuming I want to enter it in the senior competition, whichof course I do...it's a cash prize for the best one.  I discovered a new species.  I like to think that at least makes me competitive.  I guess I haven't talked much about my research on here...but I love it and it's amazing.)  Plus I have two awards ceremonies to attend and two club end-of-the-semester parties.  Ughh too busy!  Too much stuff!  I might go crazy over it all.

19 days until graduation.  I'm thinking no food until then.  I've never sustained a liquid fast for that long...but if I want to even pretend to be a healthy weight then, I think I'm gonna need to.  I did super well for a while, but then I binged all last week.  Even yesterday, after my talk, my advisor took me out for lunch.  And then they fed us pizza for dinner.  So now I'm really feeling the need for emptiness.  I'm bloated and gross.

It might not be entirely realistic to liquid fast for that long.  So I'm going to say that raw fruit and veg are ok in times of emergency.  I can't think of anytime that I will be obligated to eat between now and then, but who knows--situations happen.  So if I'm forced, then raw fruit and veggies are acceptable.  Otherwise...well, I'll consider it a challenge.  Let's see if I can do it!

Goal: to drink at least 3 bottles of water per day.  I never drink enough water.

Ok.  Gotta go work on this research poster before the concert.  Love you, lovelies!

<3