I can't handle this I can't I can't I can't I am panicking and crying and freaking the fuck out and i dont even know why FUCK why is everything so fucking hard and i cant get it right and i cant do anything right and i will lose d and fail out of grad school and just disappear and why can't i fix anything?  why can't i vomit, i want to. why cant i cut?  i need something anything to keep me going because i have nothing nothing NOTHING and i just cant do it anymore

please dont comment because i know this is shit.  i just needed somewhere to vent.  it didn't really make anything better but i dont know what will.