D is gone. I binged today. Those two statements are not unconnected.
He left without a promise of returning in 3 weeks for his spring break. He left with a "we'll see". He left me still anxious, still unsure of where we are now and where we are going.
He doesn't understand why I feel threatened by F.
I made a stupid comment about my ex and offended him. We had a talk, me teary, him reluctant. There are no promises and I shouldn't expect any; after all, he's never made me any promises. He tells me that I've left an indelible mark on his life and that even if we do not work out that he will always have that. This is not a consolation to me. He's not sure if this is worth the extra work we are putting in. He worries we are settling for the familiar.
He bought me a leather-bound copy of the Voyage of the Beagle. He held me and kissed me and told me he loves me and that I am beautiful. We cuddled. We did other things. We are definitely still physically compatible. He says he loves me.
I'm still worried.
The "I miss you" binges are killer. The hole inside is so open and so wide...food does nothing to fill it, and yet it's like you can't help but try anyway. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your visit with him did nothing to alleviate your anxiety. Maybe throw yourself into something distracting? I tend to roam when I'm nervous...lots of aimless walking, endless wandering. It soothes me, even if it doesn't lead to anywhere or solve anything.
xo
That doesn't sound good. The problem with long-distance relationships is the gradual drift apart. You're in different places, doing different things and growing in ways that may be startling when you meet up again. You're essentially new people each time you hang out!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest: If you and D have reached the point where you're better friends than you are lovers, it's better to end it while you're still in the friend-zone and before you do things that would hurt each other and cause unnecessary pain and anger. THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION!! You need thinking and talking time.
I love you too, Salix <3 I hope you liked the beach picture!