Snow, snow, snow everywhere. It's pretty, but I don't want to be out in it. *grumblegrumble*
Tonight is the last night of dog-sitting. Tomorrow I shall have no furry shadows, no warm beings curled in my bed. (at least until D gets here :-p)
Today I have eaten breakfast (cereal + soymilk), snack (coffee + soymilk, which I am counting as progress since normally I drink it black), lunch (sandwich), and dinner (vegan broccoli soup). Plus some apricot tea and water. Total intake at approximately 600 calories. I contemplated having a frozen fruit bar, but apparently brain has decided to TOTALLY FLIP OUT!!111one!!! at the prospect of 60 more calories.
This just in: my brain is totally irrational in all matters of food.
Part of me is pleased by lower intakes (the part of me that believes that if I just. stopped. eating. that things would get better. I would miraculously become skinny and gorgeous, D would love me more, I would be a huge success at everything I attempted. Yeah. That part of me is really delusional). The rest of me feels guilty at being pleased because I am SUPPOSED to be trying to recover. And I know that D and therapist would not be happy about <600 calories/day intake. D won't count my non-binge days as "good food days" unless they consist of at least 1000 calories. (And, of course, the irrational part of me goes, "1000?!?! Are you INSANE? That is WAY too much; you don't need that much. That will make you fat!" No, stupid brain, BINGING will make you fat. Why won't you grok that concept?)
Meh. Anyway.
Actually...yeah. That's kind of all I have to say. Other than FUCK I have a shit-ton of work to get done before next Wednesday! And I DUNWANNAWORK. BLARGLEBLARGLE.
Ok. Tantrum done. Now I gird my loins for battle with evil papers.
Here. Have a pretty picture.
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| Venturing Beyond Their Expected Elements Artist: John Larriva |
Thanks for all the mush. haha I need it these days.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad my long-ass vignette comments don't offend or irritate you. I tend to talk/type aloud, just saying whatever comes to mind as it comes to mind, stitching it together as it arrives. Which...you know. Can be not a great thing coz I perceive things differently a day or two later. hahaha Poster child for thought before speech being > speaking before thinking.
xo
Would you like a Second for the duel with the Papers? I'm yours until Monday, then Semester One pounces ^.^;
ReplyDeleteSo far as I'm concerned, any day NOT bingeing is a good one! 5 days?? You little BEAUTY!! You'll get there, remember Dory? "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming!" It's like that. (And that movie is pure evil. Wonderful, hysterical pure evil!)
Dralion send fluffy cuddles and some purrs your way. Little brat slept through the Earthquake! XD
Love you! xoxoxoxxoxo