Last night I stayed up way too late and consequently I am exhausted this morning.  But it was TOTALLY WORTH IT.

We played Catan and I won (despite never having played before, only watching M and his friends play in high school.  In retrospect, there were a lot of games I watched them play but never got to join in).  The rules are quite simple and once I figured out that I only needed 2 more points to win, I just kept my mouth shut until my next turn.  Beginner's luck, I suppose.

Then after, FH and his housemates made curry and we just hung out for a while.  And guys, I actually felt like I was contributing by being there for once.  Normally I feel as though I am the awkward extra in a group, like no one really wants me there.  But this time it wasn't really like that.  Still a little bit--I don't know if I'll ever fully be able to get rid of that feeling.  But we talked, we joked, Russian girl who is not actually Russian kept saying, "Why haven't you brought her around before?" to FH.  And every so often I'd make a joke and everyone would laugh and then FH or one of the housemates would look at each other and go, "She has to live with us."  It was awesome.  I felt so wanted.  Also they have agreed: if I do end up living with them, I get to name our kitty.

I am so torn.  I want to live with them.  Food will be stressful, but it always is anyway.  I like it here.  But I also really really really want to stay together with D.  I want to live with D.  I want to be able to come home and just be with him, like a proper couple.  To cook dinner together, watch movies cuddled up on the couch, read/write/grade papers in companionable silence, etc.  WHYYYY can't this school have a good phil mind program????

GAH LIFE.