Ohhh I am so tired. And tomorrow is another early boat day. Meeble.
Today was a bit choppy. Is good leg exercise trying to keep your balance on a tiny boat being tossed around in the waves. Took me longer than usual to get my land-legs back again. Was in the shower afterwards going "whooooaaaaa" *sway*. But there was some sun, so that was nice. And after going through major equipment hell and minor tech hell, we got some good data. Wheee! More things for me to analyze!
And my advisor emailed me about my thesis chapter idea and said that he thought I could actually make 2 chapters out of it, so that is wonderful because I already know what the third chapter will be. Also, he has a manuscript in the works that he wants me to be a coauthor on. HELL YES, I will coauthor! Score!
D has apparently lifted his self-imposed Skype silence, because he has been on pretty much all the time for the past two days. Yesterday in the office I panicked panicked panicked for about 30 mins until I could force the anxiety down enough to get some work done. He has not said one word to me.
I guess he really doesn't want to talk to me.
He's going to be on the west coast this weekend for a meeting, only 3 hours away from me. The original plan was that I'd drive down for the weekend to meet him. During The Break-up Talk, he said he'd email me his flight schedule when he bought tickets so that we could still meet up (as friends only). He has not done that yet. He must have bought his tickets by now; his meeting is in 4 days.
I guess he really doesn't want to see me.
I don't believe that D loves me anymore.
I am sad.
I am not crying though. Just hurting inside.
Sleep time now.
Lol, if you don't get your land legs back, I think Chch will be the city for you. They're still having multiple aftershocks in a day, so the wobbling will be perfect ^.^
ReplyDeleteUgh, I think he just doesn't know how to handle the shift from romantic partners back to friendship and is trying to avoid the inevitable awkwardness of Skype Convos. Still; D=Twat.
You make me wish I'd started studying something I enjoyed earlier, instead of being a stubborn cunt and refusing to change my major *Sigh* I'd be doing a Masters by now, and Academia is really starting to appeal to me after seeing what Tailgunner did his PhD on :'(
I love you! *Squiddy hugs* I hope you have a great boat day tomorrow with a little less chop. Sweet dreams <3
The boobs thing is such a big deal...some people don't get how boobs can totally prevent you from wearing clothes you really like that would otherwise fit you and it just fucks up your whole day. hahaha I'm clearly superficial.
ReplyDeleteBut. It does take a really long time to lose boobs if you grew them genetically as opposed to them ballooning up from weight gain or pregnancy. I was a 36C when I was 13, and by junior year of highschool I was a 38DD...that was 12 years ago. It took me 10 years to get back to a 36C and 2years to get below that into a 34C. *sigh*
No, forget that sigh. In all reality, if your tits shrink rapidly, they just look like sad, deflated lil ziploc baggies full of cream of wheat. Nobody wants that. Biggums > pancake tits. lol
Also, on a more serious note...I doubt D has stopped loving you (I also disagree with Peri about him being a twat). He asked for a 2 month break. If he was serious about thinking things through on his own for a while, figuring out his own hang-ups, needs, wants, whatever...why would he break his own silence before it's even been 2 weeks?
He may initially have said he'd want to hang out with you just as friends and then discovered that it was too hard to do that. Too hard to think of you that way, casually, non-romantically and still maintain the emotional space he requested.
Yes, you want him to want to talk to you; but NO he's not a dick for doing exactly what he told you he was going to do. It doesn't equate a lack of love on his part, rather it seems to me that he's trying not to be weak or wishy-washy about using the time apart to sort himself without your assistance.
Breathe. When he's ready, he'll speak.
I kind of agree with what Kazehana said--it sounds like he thinks it would be too hard to see you as just friends. His feelings are mixed up and seeing you would exacerbate that, because he still feels love for you.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had better advice when it comes to relationships, but I'm afraid I've got nothin. :( Distract yourself maybe, to make you feel a bit better over the next few weeks? Throw yourself into your work!! It sounds like exciting stuff. What sort of work are you doing? Want to trade? You can sit in my office all day, and I'll go out boating. :D
xoxo