3/15/11

I am currently sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight!!!

(Arrived a little early so I could have some internet time...Comcast is out at my apartment and I needed to send some committee emails.)

I can't WAIT to see D and everyone else again!  I am giddy just thinking about it.  Warmth and sunshine and people who think I'm awesome...mmmm.  Love it.  :)

I'm trying not to think about the food part of the visit, because it is freaking me out hardcore.  Cannot handle.  Yesterday: soup and some nori chips.  Weight: still the fucking same.  Oh well.

I won't have to eat breakfast.  But I will have to eat lunch and dinner.  And both will (almost certainly) be at restaurants.  This stresses me out.  I like to know what I am eating EXACTLY, how it was prepared, preferably how many calories are in it.  I don't like restaurant portions; they are too big.  I don't like people watching me eat.  These things make me anxious.  I don't want people to judge what I eat or how much of it I eat.  I don't like feeling food in my stomach.  Too heavy.

I'm being very disordered lately.  But I guess at least I am not binging?  Today is Day #17.  That is a record length of non-binging for 2011.

I suppose we'll see how it goes.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!  Send calm, non-freaking-out thoughts.

I'm feeling very terrified.
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2 comments:

  1. Peridot (G+P)March 15, 2011 at 3:27 PM

    Sounds like you need a worry hat, lovely. (Do you read Questionable Content? A worry hat is a baby-blue and white ear hat with a pompom that you put on when you're worrying to calm down)

    17 days? Go you good thing! You're stronger than you thought :) Totally inspiring me to stop pretending I'm a Human Hoover, too. I'm at a week now!

    Sending soothing thoughts your way. Beautifully clear skies, crickets chirping and steady floors.

    Arahanui, safe flight!

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  2. GinaMarch 15, 2011 at 4:17 PM

    I used to put on an air of "holier-than-thou purist vegetarian snob". Frankly, I didn't care if that was actual chicken or veggie broth in my pho, but I could pretend the very idea ruined my appetite. Or the idea that I tasted "a hint of bacon" or a "note of sardine" in my salad dressing, therefore, blowing my appetite.

    It's a stupid ploy but helpful sometimes.

    Enjoy your boy and fun in the sun. I'm sure there will be much calorie burning! *wink wink*

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