Weight is down to where it was just before D's visit.  It's been there for a few days now.

I'm still fat, but at least I'm not binging.

Day #14.

I am having some mild binge urges and they make me afraid to eat anything.  How ironic.

Every now and then brain realizes, "HEY.  You know that binge food you're thinking of?  Well, you could HAVE IT.  One serving of it wouldn't be a binge, calorically speaking.  You can eat WHATEVER YOU WANT as long as you watch portion size!  ANYTHING!!  Let's do that!!"  And it always feels like this great and freeing revelation.  And I am like, "Wow!  I could eat anything!  I could never binge again and still not deprive myself of any type of food!"

Only now I don't trust brain when it says this, because I know from experience that doesn't work.  If I am having binge urges, any amount of binge food--even limited to a single portion--will lead to a full-on binge.  If binge urge is strong enough, any amount of any food whether it is binge food, safe food, whatever will probably lead to a binge.

And if I'm not having binge urges, generally I don't want binge foods.  Pretty much all of my binge foods are foods that I don't even really like.  (Though I don't  know how much of that dislike is legit and how much is simply negative association.)

I'm on to your tricks, brain.  Shut up with your fake reasoning.  14 day streak of non-binging and seeing D in 2.5 days.  I am NOT binging today.

Overwhelmed with stupid work.  I swear this test isn't written in English.  No wonder Prof gave us an extra 4 days to complete it...except I don't get those, since my plane leaves Tuesday.

I really fucking hate this class.  The subject matter isn't difficult.  The prof just makes shit much harder than it has to be.

This post has been brought to you by Disjointed Thoughts, Inc.  Also Powerade Zero, the green flavor.