Fuck, guys.  Just.  FUCK.

Therapist called.  She spoke to her supervisor and they want me to go see a doctor.  She has the name of one who specializes in disordered eating.

THIS is why I never tell people things.  Because they always fucking betray you.  I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.  She wasn't going to ask; I shouldn't have volunteered.

I am not going to a doctor.  I cannot risk having them commit me.  I cannot risk anyone in the department finding out about this.  I cannot have my family finding out, and thanks to the whole fucking stupid insurance thing with the vaccinations, I now know that any doctors visits WILL be showing up on my parents' insurance plan and most likely with a notification in the mail.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

I said I would consider it.  Therapist said we would talk about it next Tuesday when I go in.

If she tries to force this, then I am quitting therapy.

Also, can I note how BULLSHIT it is that she wasn't concerned enough about the binging to make me see a doctor but all of a sudden she's worried about my electrolyte and vitamin levels?  Like I don't know enough to make sure my electrolytes are stable and to take my multivitamin every day.  I'm not stupid.

**edit**

Okay, yes, I know, professional responsibility and all that.  It's not really a betrayal.  And if I weren't worried about it myself, I wouldn't have said anything.  I'm just sick and cranky and really don't want to go see a doctor.

If the whole lack of appetite and not-eating continues after this weekend, I will go see a doctor though, okay?  Just in case.