Oh fuck, guys. Fuckfuckfuck. D is online, on Skype, online. For the first time since the break-up. Fuckfuckfuck. What do I do???
I'm not talking to him. I'm not initiating contact. I'm too proud; I won't do it. Especially not after that fucking email.
SAY SOMETHING TO ME, D.
My heart is all racy and I am very anxious right now and the worst part is that I know he's not going to talk to me and so I am getting all worked up over nothing. I'm panicking and panicking and I thought the anxiety attacks were a thing of the past but clearly they are not because I am having the precursory symptoms right now. Breathing. Breathing is good.
I don't believe that D loves me anymore. But fuck do I want him to.
And he is all logical and rational and shit and so of course even if he did want to talk to me, even if he is hurting, he will just tell himself that it has only been a week and that is obviously not enough time, and so he wouldn't talk to me anyway.
FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. I need calm. I need to get offline but I can't make myself do that.
Does this mean he's over me now? After a week? It has been exactly one week, you know.
GAAAAHHHHH.
(But I still haven't cried today.)
Deep breaths!! These feelings won't go away overnight--it takes time to emotionally let go of someone. You'll be ok. <3 You're fabulous! And Don't forget it.
ReplyDeleteHope the anxiety goes away. A hot bath and some Mozart, perhaps?
xoxo
What would you say to him if you could talk to him? Is there something specific you need to say? Or is it just that desire to be comforted by him, the homesickness for familiarity and stuff like that?
ReplyDeleteIf there IS something specific and urgent you need to get off your chest, I say fuck the silence and say it before you explode/otherwise damage yourself by bottling it up.
If not, then yes...what Mich said. She's quite smart.
xo